Seorang pemandu yang berbosskan org putih dari Amerika sedang membawa bossnye.. tiba-tiba kereta dihadapannya berhenti mengejut menyebabkan dia telah menyodok kereta tersebut. Pemandu tersebut pun meminta maaf dari boss nya… .:

Pemandu: Sorry Sir, I brake brake, do not eat. After I check the wheel no flower again. (maaf Tuan, saya brek-brek, tak makan, selepas saya cek tayarnya tak ada bunganya lagi)

Orang putih tu pun mahu keluar dan ikut sama marahkan pemandu kereta dihadapan. Tapi pemandu tersebut menghalangnya… Kata pemandu tersebut:

Pemandu: Don’t enter mix, Sir! The bring that car if not wrong I, is the children fruit from manager moneys, he stupid doesn’t play! Let he taste.
(Jangan masuk campur, Tuan! Yang bawa kereta itu kalo tak salah saya, anak buah dari pengurus kewangan, dia memang bodoh bukan main… Biar dia rasa)

Besoknya si pemandu tak masuk kerja, lusanya, bila dia masuk kerja, si boss orang putihnya bertanya:

Boss : Why didn’t you come to work?

Pemandu : I am sorry boss, my body is not delicious, my body taste like enter the wind. (maaf boss, badan saya tidak sedap, badan saya rasanya macam masuk angin)

• Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing .
• Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
• Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
• Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
• Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
• Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
• Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
• Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
• Change the government, funds go missing ,
• Say something and you may be missing .

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: IPOH driver
2. One hand on wheel, one hand out the window with cigarette: KEPONG driver.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: DOWNTOWN KUALA LUMPUR driver.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on parang, foot solidly on accelerator: JOHOR driver.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, hands-free on the lap: BANGSAR driver.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: FOREIGNER, driving in MALAYSIA.
7. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, talking on cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SUBANG JAYA DRIVER.....on the Federal Highway!!!
8. One hand on wheel, one hand on passengers head rest, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing rambutans or durian shells out the window: KARAK HIGHWAY ; KUANTAN driver.
9. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, READY-TO-KILL attitude, rear window stickers read "Make my day", beer cans on floor, wedding ribbon still attached to antenna: CONSTRUCTION SITE....PUCHONG driver!
10. One hand on the handphone, another hand picking nose, One leg on the dash board, another leg crossed on the seat with a beer can in the middle ~ turning anywhere he likes, parking anywhere he likes, in fact, driving anywhere he likes. aaahhh..... this is a heaven for drivers......welcome to PENANG!
11. Two hands gripping tightly to the wheel, eyes glued on the windscreen, alternately stepping on the accelerator and brakes every 5 seconds. WOMAN DRIVER!

Chinese VCD peddler: Hello John....you want to buy VCD?

Me: Are these originals?

Chinese VCD peddler: Of course....all original copies mah.

Me: Do you have those....you know....under-the-table type of VDCs?

Chinese VCD peddler: Of course got one mah. You want Japanese, Thai, Mat Salleh....all got one. But no need sell under-the-table. Can sell on top of table mah. See here. You choose.

Me: Oh, but these are blue movies. No, I don't mean these types of under-the-table VCDs.

Chinese VCD peddler: What type you want then John? You want with horse, dog, many people play at one time, all got one also. Here....you see.

Me: No, I don't mean that type either. I am talking about Reformasi VCDs.

Chinese VCD peddler: Aiyah! That one cannot sell. Very dangerous. That one police will arrest. Under table also cannot sell one mah.

BANTA SINGH & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer: What is your birth date?
Banta Singh : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Banta Singh : ... EVERY YEAR


BANTA SINGH & HIS MANAGER
Manager asked to Banta Singh at an interview....
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta Singh replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X

BANTA SINGH & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Banta Singh asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Banta Singh : In London, a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?".. that's
why ...
Wife : SHOCKED!

BANTA SINGH & TOURIST
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Banta Singh whether any great man born in this village or not .. and Banta Singh said .. "No sir, only babies were
born here .. "

BANTA SINGH & HIS EXPERIMENT
Banta Singh was doing experiment with cockroach. First he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly Banta Singh said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf. Banta Singh become a saint!

BANTA SINGH & DRIVER
When Banta Singh was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted mirror. Banta Singh shouted, "You are trying to see my wife ? Sit back. I will drive.

BANTA SINGH GOES TO HOTEL
Banta Singh went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Banta Singh pointed towards the board "WASHBASIN "

BANTA SINGH & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught fire and how will you escape ?
Banta Singh : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination ..

Oh .. i forgot . the funniest part ..
On a political rally Banta Singh was arrested. Why ????????????
Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" on her right chest ... and he did it !

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day...

We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there... On the couch...

NAKED!!

Memo to All Employees:
In order to ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T) .

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T) .

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T ).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T , you may be interested in a job teaching others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION ( M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T) . This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING ( H.O.T.S.H.I.T ) .


Thank you.

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)


P.S.: Now send this S.H.I.T to 5 people who need S.H.I.T in their lives, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T . I have already had my fill of S.H.I.T.

Thank you for your time!

Sincerely

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).








Have a wonderful day!
*

DR MAHATHIR'S MEGA PROJECT

- KLIA

- SEPANG F1

- PUTRA JAYA

- CYBER JAYA

- MONORAIL

- ERL

- KTM KOMUTER

- KL TOWER

- KLCC

- SEKOLAH WAWASAN



and many many many more

(Akhirnya Tingkat Taraf dan Maruah Orang Malaysia pun Naik)





PAK LAH'S MEGA PROJECT SINCE BE COMING PM

- TOL NAIK

- ROKOK NAIK

- PETROL NAIK

- BIR NAIK

- BIL AIR & API NAIK

- TEPUNG NAIK

- GULA NAIK

- DIESAL NAIK

- CUKAI PINTU & TANAH NAIK

- KES JENAYAH NAIK

- GAJI DAN BONUS KAKITANGAN KERAJAAN NAIK



and many many many naik (Akhirnya Angin Orang Malaysia pun NAIK)

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.

Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

*Ring-Ring*

"Hello?"

"Hi, honey, this is daddy," ... "Is your mommy near the phone?"

"No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank,"

After a brief pause, daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle
Frank, honey!"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy, right
now!"

"Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and yell out to mommy and Uncle
Frank that daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, daddy."

"And what happened?" he asks.

"Well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the
front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh my God!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared
and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool... but he must have
forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of
the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."

***long pause***

Then daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Wait a minute... is this 328-9874?"

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A. The boy's hand

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.

Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A. Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed.
A. Tarzan asked "Why"? The animals told him your tail is in the front"

1. You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia , one name also cannot come out.

2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.

3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE , run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.

5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.

6. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.

7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian.

8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.

9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.

11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.

12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.

13. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever hor?' When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah!
He Malay mah!'

14. When an angmoh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

A man was walking across the road when he met with an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be in a coma for 2 days. When he opened his eyes, his wife was by his side.

He told her (in tears), "When I was struggling with my studies in the University, I failed again and again. Sometimes I even had to re-take my papers. You were there by my side, encouraging me to go on trying."

She squeezed his hands as he continued, "When I went for major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there, cutting out the job ads for me to apply..."

He added, " ...then I started working in this little firm and finally got a big contract. I blew it because of a small mistake. But you are still there for me."

His wife was in tears.

The man said, "I finally got a job after being laid off for quite some time. But I was never promoted and my hard work was not recognised. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. You are still beside me..."

His wife's tears trickled down as she listened to him, " And now I meet with an accident and when I wake up you are here with me. There's something I'll really like to say to you..."

She flung herself on the bed and hug her husband, sobbing with deep emotion.



Finally her husband said, "I think you bring me bad luck."

One day the Russian started a quest to dig the earth and see wat they have. They dig until 100m and found some copper wire.... and make a statement "Our people has been using telephone for communication since 200 yrs ago"

When the American see this, they start digging too... around it went deep until 500m... and found some fiber optic look a like and claim that "Our people has been using fiber optic for communication for 500yrs ago"

Looking at both claims... the Malaysian started to dig too.... 100m... 500m.... and 800m... they found NOTHING ! You know what they claim ? "We are already using wireless communication 1000yrs ago"

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do You know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"Pay you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

MALAYSIAKINI Mar 12, 08 1:53pm
"MIC President S Samy Vellu today said he would not be offering himself for a cabinet post in the new administration to be established by Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi" (full report..)